In our last post we discussed jealousy. How we faced it and how you may be able to work through that very basic human emotion. But what is the opposite emotion? What is the word for that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you see your partner happy and fulfilled? Well, that word is compersion.
As a couple, we get a lot of things out of non-monogamy. We both enjoy meeting interesting people. Going to interesting events both over-the-top crazy and cerebral dinner parties. Hot dates while we travel or visiting clubs in distant cities. But seeing each other’s enjoyment and fulfillment is without a doubt the most rewarding part of our journey through non-monogamy. It’s a cosmic feel good.
It does get a little fuzzy when you try to parse the difference between compersion and sexual turn-on. Part of compersion is the “turn-on” and let’s be honest, nothing beats good, hot sex! But seeing your partner turned-on and “in the moment” and being totally “pleasured out”
leads to your feeling of compersion.
Compersion is not only a feeling reserved for your partner, but it also can be felt for a play partner or couple. Sure, there is lots of fun playing with someone who is not your regular partner, let’s face it sex rocks, but for us it is not just about our own pleasure but also sharing our pleasure with others. Though we are a “go with the flow” type of couple when we start to get naughty with a new couple, and if we lead off we like to start with lots of kissing and oral and go from there, and we also love seeing our play friends’ enjoyment . There is so much satisfaction from knowing that we have pleased our partners and of course we love it when they reciprocate.
We had a great relationship when we started our amazing journey in the lifestyle and this journey has only brought us closer and happier. It gave us an amazing outlet while we were raising our kids and now as empty nesters it keeps it all fresh and exciting. Something you should keep in mind, is that feeling compersion for your partner’s fulfillment is not only relegated to sexual satisfaction, but you should feel it in all facets of their life. We have seen each other grow both professionally and socially over our years together. Much of this growth we attribute to our experiences in the lifestyle. Alex, who was always good in social situations but (believe it or not) was a bit reluctant to just walk up to people and engage them, now has no problem walking into a room and talking with total strangers. Donna, who was always quiet now has no problem walking up to couples and chatting them up (though sometimes fortified with a shot of Fireball). The same thing goes for her professionally. She has gone from being quiet and keeping her head down at work to heading up large groups of staff with diverse personalities and skills. When we have sat back and talked about this, we both marvel and feel amazing about each other’s growth and success. Yup, that’s compersion too.
Donna & Alex