You’re pretty excited about your profile and the pictures you posted. You look at it and think “not bad for a middle-aged couple, so now how do we meet others like us?” Well there is always the chance of meeting swingers in the wild, possible, but rare.
A more sure-fire way of meeting real life lifestylers is to find a target rich environment. You’re probably thinking “let’s go to a swingers club.” A club is definitely a target rich environment but if you are just starting out, we wouldn’t recommend that approach. As we touched on in our last post a “meet & greet” may be the way to go. They are usually held at a local bar or restaurant and are hosted by a couple or a group. Some are free others have a small cover charge. You’ll find couples of all ages. Don’t worry, everyone there will be just like you. All are looking to meet other like-minded people. To find M&Gs check out the party or event calendar on most dating sites.
One thing to consider is whether you want to stay local or travel a bit. Some couples prefer to travel a bit, which reduces the chances of bumping into someone you might see at church or in the supermarket or maybe even run into the couple from down the street. We don’t have that concern because it is our feeling that we are all there for the same reason.
Peruse the event calendar and find a M&G that sounds interesting. Don’t be surprised that you may have to pre-register. Some M&G’s require that, which is a good thing. You get to scan the crowd on-line and it usually keeps away those folks who are not serious.
What to wear? Dress to impress. First impressions are important. You can’t go wrong with business casual. A little sexy is ok but remember, most M&G’s are in a public establishment so “slut wear” should probably stay home.
What to expect? It’s very much like any cocktail party where you don’t know anyone. Don‘t be nervous, like we said, everyone is there for the same reason, to meet like-minded people. Try to show up on time but in our opinion not more than 15 minutes late. We know a couple that play a little game together. When they show up to an event they look around the room and they ask each other who there would they would like to play with. Many times they will say no one, but in the course of the evening they wind up finding some people whose attraction is more than just looks. So look around, grab a drink and mingle. Don’t be afraid to walk up to a couple and introduce yourselves. Even ease your way into small groups that inevitably form up. Don’t wait for couples to approach you.
PRO TIP: It is a good idea to print-up inexpensive cards with your names and contact info. If you meet a couple that piques your interest it is easy to give them your particulars.
The M&G goes quickly, and you return home excited that you actually met and spent time with couples in the lifestyle and even exchanged contact information with a few couples. So now go to your computer together, look up their profiles and send them a short email. Something like “great meeting you last night” or maybe bring up something that you all chatted about. One email can lead to another and if you are still interested set up a FaceTime or Skype call. It gives you a chance to develop a bit of a relationship and decide if you want to go the next step – the DATE.
Now is also a good time for the two of you to start looking at couples who have checked out your profile. Or, maybe start searching for interesting couples in your area. Either way, once you have both agreed on who may “flip your switch” (Paige from Swinger Diaries (swingerdiaries.podbean.com) thanks for the term) drop them a note. And by a note, we mean a few lines of friendly chit chat. You don’t have to write a long message but definitely more than just “hello” or “you guys look sexy.” If they have their faces visible and you don’t, you may consider allowing them to see your faces. In any case, couples want to see what you look like and many, like us, would like to see a picture of the two of you together! Don’t be disappointed if some couples are slow to respond or ignore your message. Some folks are not very diligent in checking their messages, and others in our opinion are just rude!
Uh oh, you have your first date on the calendar, now what?
Have you discussed between yourselves rules and boundaries? Are you going to play on this first date? Or if you click with the couple will you set a date to meet again with the implicit thought that it will be a play date? Where you are going to play? One of your homes? A hotel? Are you going to start with “soft” swap or go “full”? Do you want to play in the same room, or do you prefer separate rooms?
There is lots to think about and for the two of you to decide upon. Your rules and boundaries will change over time, but you should start with some …
Stayed tuned for our next post where we will discuss these in more detail.
Donna and Alex