Probably one of the most if not the most difficult part of life is making decisions. The only humans who do not make decisions are babies. But as babies develop into toddlerhood decision making becomes part of life. We make decisions constantly. Many decisions are based on mood or urges, what should I wear, what should I eat, should I have a glass of wine, are just a few examples. So, what differentiates a good decision vs. a bad decision? Is it the consequences? Is it how we feel afterwards?
In the lifestyle as in life we are always making decisions. Just a few weeks ago we had to decide whether to head down to Desire which was facing a possible hurricane or postpone the trip. Donna said “… why travel to a hurricane when we get them delivered to our door. Let’s stay home.” Alex on the other hand couldn’t decide. Together, we decided to postpone our trip the day before our scheduled departure. Donna was fine with the decision but for a couple of days Alex kept thinking that maybe we made a mistake, especially after the storm made land fall about 75 miles south of Desire and thankfully there was no real damage to the resort. He kept rationalizing why it was the correct decision even while receiving an almost play-by-play from friends who were at the resort. In the 1983 Lawrence Kasdan classic, The Big Chill, the character Michael, played by Jeff Goldblum, had a brief discussion about rationalizations with Sam, played by Tom Berenger.
MICHAEL: “I don’t know anyone who can get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They’re more important than sex.”
SAM: “Ah, come on. Nothing’s more important than sex.”
MICHAEL: “Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?”
We can agree with both characters. No one goes through a day without a rationalization, and at least in our opinion, nothing is more important than sex.
Truth be told, at one time or another we have all used rationalizations to convince ourselves that we made a correct decision. But even with a good rationalization it can still take a bit of time to feel good about your decision. Even if you know, deep down, that it was the right decision.
Sorry that we rambled a bit about what we think was a good decision for us. But what about bad decisions?? Oh, we have made them …
Sometimes you make snap decisions without much thought. A few years back we attended a hotel suite party with about ten couples most of whom we did not know. After some mingling and drinking the mingling turned into fairly raucous sex. Think full-blown orgy. Towards the end of the evening a woman, let’s call her Jane, who was half of a couple we were trying to avoid, grabbed Alex and started pulling him down on a bed and quite graphically stated what she wanted. Caught up in the moment, Alex delivered. When done,he stood up thinking, “why did I do that?” On our drive home, while we were talking about the evening Donna said that she was sorry that she had played with Jane’s husband. She too got caught up in the moment. We independently made poor decisions. Not that our experiences that evening changed our lives in a negative way but rather gave us a less than memorable experience with a skeevy couple. This is just one bad decision we have made, thankfully the others, like this one, just left us with food for thought.
Sometimes we look back and don’t know if our decisions were good or bad. From time to time, we do wonder if we missed a great party or if we made a mistake on passing on a couple who reached out to us. But most times you never know if you made the right or wrong decision. But, if you do look back don’t dwell on it. If you really think you made a bad decision, then learn from it and move on. But keep in mind something Donna likes to say is that your life is on a timeline and that that you really can’t change the timeline. So if she is right, after you have made a decision just keep on moving forward and enjoy the journey.
XOXO
Donna & Alex